Fahrenheit 451: Alternate Ending

Guy Montag’s eyes darted to the ventilator grille. Beads of sweat formed on his temples. He looked around the room and confirmed that he was the only one in it. Guy slowly arose from his chair and nervously approached the grille.

“Oh, no…” his heart dropped. “The A/C is broken! But it’s 100 degrees today!”

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35 Things I Do Before Homework

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I’d like to believe that most people procrastinate. If you do not, I applaud and resent you for being so much better than me. However, I excel in making myself feel like I’m not completely procrastinating when I’m putting off work that needs to be done. Below is a list of things I do until I feel that completing my homework is absolute imperative:

1. Swim. Exercise is important for a healthy lifestyle, right?

2. Watch the Olympics. It only happens once every four years. (Plus it encourages me to exercise.)

3. The Olympics are over for today? Time to hug my sister.

4. Hug her again. She’s only here for two more weeks!

5. Again.

6. And again.

7. And again. Ok she’s getting annoyed.

8. Check WordPress.

9. No new posts? Ok, read Wall Street Journal.

10. Now read the New York Times.

11. Check my email.

12. Check my favorite blogs for new posts. Reading about other people’s productive lives make me feel more productive…I’m so devious with myself.

13. Write a blog post. (And thus this post is born.)

14. Go on Youtube. I’ll only watch a few videos. Or a couple. Or two dozen SortedFood recipes.

15. Eat lunch.

16. Bake cookies.

17. Brown bananas? Time to bake banana muffins!

18. See what Helen is doing.

19. This calls for another hug.

20. One more hug.

21. Ok last one- she’s getting annoyed.

22. Learn some new SAT vocabulary (even that is better than doing actual homework).

23. Stare at the sky. Quite relaxing.

24. Watch an episode of The Office. Who am I kidding, I’m watching 4.

25. Do some Pilates.

26. Have a snack. I must fuel up on protein after working out.

27. Tumblr.

28. Instagram.

29. Twitter.

30. Thank god I don’t have a Facebook. I’ll check WordPress again.

31. Read one or two Freshly Pressed posts.

32. Check Lauren Conrad’s website for new posts.

33. Ponder what I’m doing with my life.

34. Stretch.

35. Stretch a little more.

36. Ok, it’s really time to do my homework. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGHH.

Not So Venturous Adventures at Costco

The middle aged man, dressed in his red Costco employee apron, stood in front of his miniature table. On the table were three sports drinks, all different but vibrant colors, as well as a tray of small sample cups.

He beckons to a nearby customer to have a taste.

“It’s naturally sweet, with xylitol,” I hear him say as I walk by his table on my way to the checkout line.

“Actually, if it has xylitol in it, it’s sweetened by a sugar substitute and therefore is not naturally sweet,” I think to myself.

But I refrain from being a smartass and go on with my day.